Theological Journal - May 15 Suffering and Presence

Our words of comfort to the suffering leave silences dripping off their edges.

Presence fills these silences even without words.  

Consider Job’s much, and mostly rightly, maligned friends. They did one thing right, however. They beheld Job’s suffering from a distance. And they drew near and sit with in silence for a number of days. That probably gave them the credibility to speak to speak. But when they started speaking they quickly lost that credibility. Better they had continued sharing Job’s suffering silently!

I suspect that answers to the questions that inevitably arise in times of suffering are (unwittingly) too often attempts to “name those silences” (Hauerwas) to give some sense of reason for or control over the suffering. This, I believe, is what Job’s friends did in their speaking. But these silences to far too important for any answers or names we may give them.

Embracing those silences is far better. But that requires a community of not-Job’s friends which many of us do not have. It takes a special courage and wisdom to sit in silence with a sufferer. It is uncomfortable and requires us to enter others’ suffering in deeper ways than we usually do. Silence unnerves/frightens us even in the best of circumstances. Trying to name them is second nature to us.

Speech that refuses to name the silences, prayers, sharing laments, saying “I don’t know,” and assurances to be present with the sufferer and their loved ones seem appropriate. Theological reasonings are not. That can come later as people debrief their sufferings (if desired or necessary). Popular supposedly “Christian” maxims are never appropriate: “It’s all part of the plan,” “He or she is in a better place” and the like.

Silence may not be golden but it is to be honored and treasured in the presence of suffering. May it please God that this be so for us!