The Sermon on the Mount according to Congressional Jesus

 

Jesus sermon on the mount
Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For they can get a job at minimum wage.

Blessed are those who mourn,
For they made their bad decisions and must suffer the consequences.

Blessed are the meek,
For we can take advantage of them.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For we can promise them free food to get them to vote for us.

Blessed are the merciful,
For we will remove them from their positions for not being “tough on crime.”
Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they are the most gullible.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they know how to make peace through war.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake,
For they will turn over secrets about their terrorist activities.

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for this proves that you are standing up for the right things in the right way.

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